Jessica Alba Talks Utter Shit
Article by Hope Alexander
July 17 2008. Article viewed 5241 times.
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Can´t say I have ever wanted to punch a woman holding a newborn in the face before, but Jessica Alba just made that a first for me. If it wasn´t obnoxious enough to accidentally get knocked up and then get all high and mighty about not selling pictures of the baby before finally showing up on the cover of OK Magazine for the princely sum of .$1.5 million dollars (that´s about $3.50 and a cheeseburger in celebrity baby picture terms, Angelina Jolie will probably get between 11 and 20 million for her twins) looking like Jamie Lynn Spears except trashier, then talking about how ´Zen´ her birth was just put it all over the edge.
Unlike other women, who feel pain when pushing a human out of their vagina, Jessica Alba is above all that, lying: ´The labor was more like meditation,´ she says. ´I did yoga breathing. I was focused.´
Oh, and of course, her baby daughter is connected to ´the other side´: “It hasn´t totally sunk in…She dreams, she smiles, and coos and does all these things, but she hasn´t seen enough of the world yet to understand any of that stuff. So I still feel like she´s connected to the other world, or something. There´s no other way to explain it. It´s a miracle.´
There´s no way to explain it? How about the fact she´s a freaking newborn baby and her brain hasn´t developed yet, nor have her motor skills and speech functions, making her essentially, as Angelina Jolie put it ´a blob´. There´s nothing ´miraculous´ about it lady, unless you also consider maggots hatching from fly eggs to be miraculous, in which case, ooo yeah, really connected to the ´other side´.
   
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