Sex Killers
Article by Hope Alexander
July 24 2008. Article viewed 13722 times.
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Men don´t realize how often they cock block themselves simply by opening their mouths prior to having sex. Women are all about moods, and as any man who has ever been within 50 yards of a woman knows, a woman´s mood is more volatile and flighty than a box of nitroglycerin. In order to successfully mate with a female, you will need to keep her in the mood long enough for her to get that bored look in her eyes that gives you the green light to finish onto the nearby towel. (If the last remark remotely resembled your actual sex life, it´s time to get a mistress.)
If you´ve somehow managed to entice a woman into your bedroom and she´s willing to go all the way, avoid the following at all costs:
Farting/Belching/Other Assorted Man Noises
We get it, you´re a man, a real manly man. This means that you have a great deal of gas and hot air built up inside you that needs releasing on a regular basis. Try to release this prior to getting anywhere near the boudoir, as women very rarely find this sexy. It is also not a good idea to fart in bed and hold her head under the covers if you want to keep your penis intact.
Commenting On Other Hotness
Do not comment on the hotness of the girl´s friend/sister/cousin/mom, or any female other than the one you´re with. Of course there are plenty of hot women in the world, even if you were sleeping with Angelina Jolie there would still be other women to lust after, but telling the woman you´re about to be inside that you think her grandma is hot is not going to endear you to her.
Fatness
Do not make any reference whatsoever to her weight. Compliment her figure and body by all means, but don´t comment on the addition of any extra pounds, or on the presence of any extra weight. It doesn´t matter if she´s three tonnes and looks like a beached manatee, you tell her she is beautiful if you want any loving. If she attempts to draw you into the depths of argument hell by asking if she looks fat in something, kiss her deeply, or otherwise distract her, perhaps by setting something on fire.
Money Dramas
Unless you´re paying her, money should not enter the conversation at all in any sense. ´I got a sweet discount on these condoms´ is not good bedroom talk.
Threesomes
Keep your desire to bang other women to yourself until after the sexing is done, by which time she´ll probably be more than willing to share the load with another woman. After all, what woman needs a whole three minutes of heavy thrusting all to herself?
Diseases
Now is not the time to ask her if she is ´clean´. If you do ask her a question like this, be prepared to be ejected violently out the window, largely powered by your own stupid.
Your Ex
No woman wants to know what your ex was like in bed. Especially if she was any good, and even if she was bad. If the woman you are sleeping with happens to know your ex, a few disparaging remarks about her predecessor may make her smile at first, but she´ll quickly become nervous thinking about what you might tell others. Mentioning your ex may also cause her to mention hers, leaving you both a quivering mess of insecurities limply hoping to impress the other with painful contorted positions you saw in a magazine once.
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